> I turned it on with the default in netstart -bd -q30m and I get and error 
> on startup that says -q30m: not found.  this happens right after 
> "starting network"

I'm pretty sure all this is because you don't have -bd and -q30m
quoted.  The default /etc/netstart reads:

sendmail_flags=NO       # for 'normal' use: sendmail_flags="-bd -q30m"

Thus, you should write:

sendmail_flags="-bd -q30m"
               ^         ^
The answer is right there in /etc/netstart.  If you have doubts, think
how shell might interpret the line below:

sendmail_flags=-bd -q30m

ken