Thanks to Ken Hornstein for finally pinpointing the problem and
enlightening me on the subject of DOS filesystems, wherein the offset is
NEVER 0, unlike UNIX, where somehow it at least gets mapped to 0.

ANYway, thanks to everyone else who took the time out of their busy
lives to answer my question -- thanks for your patience in helping
out a PC newbie (relatively) who didn't know jack about DOS filesystems
or, indeed, much about PCs.  SPARCs, well, that's different, though
my 486DX blows doors on my Sun 4/50 (IPX, SS2 class CPU).


--
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