Date: Fri, 1 Oct 1999 00:52:38 -0400 (EDT)
=46rom: msbrader@interlog.com
Subject: Where do you want to be *mis*directed today?

  [Erwin Mascardo <mascardo@admin.assurenet.com> posted the
  following to rec.humor.funny.  (It's in their archive at
  <http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/99/Sep/expedia.html>.)]

My wife recently went on a business trip, and in filling out her expense
report, she noted that she could claim the mileage to and from the
airport. My first attempt at using MapQuest to calculate the distance
failed, so I tried Microsoft Expedia Maps. After the shock wore off, my only
regret was that my wife couldn't really claim this mileage figure, as we had
no way to prove that we'd spent 9 days driving to Newfoundland and
back. Highlights from the Microsoft-generated directions follow:

Summary
>From: Laurel, Maryland
To: Baltimore-Washington International Airport, Maryland
Driving Distance: 5865.1 miles
Time: 9 day(s) 3 hour(s) 22 minute(s)

Driving Directions

   Time Instruction
   0:00 Depart Laurel, Maryland
   1:01 Entering Delaware
   1:17 Entering New Jersey
   3:24 Entering New York
   3:51 Entering Connecticut
   5:51 Entering Massachusetts
   7:29 Entering New Hampshire
   7:44 Entering Maine
  12:20 Entering New Brunswick
  20:20 Take the North Sydney-Argentia Ferry
  34:32 Entering Newfoundland
  36:35 Turn left onto Local road(s) (4543.1 mi)
 219:22 Arrive Baltimore-Washington International Airport, Maryland

I guess when Microsoft asks "Where do you want to go today?" that *how*
you get there isn't always important...

(A subsequent attempt at MapQuest gave the correct figure of 16.5 miles.)

[Forwarded to Risks by Mark Brader]

------------------------------

Date: Fri, 1 Oct 1999 01:01:24 -0400 (EDT)
=46rom: msbrader@interlog.com
Subject: Maybe Microsoft owns stock in Canada?

 This one was posted to rec.humor.d, the followups-to-jokes group, by Bill
 Seurer <BillSeurer@vnet.ibm.com>.  Some misformatting in his posting is
 fixed in this copy.  --Mark Brader]


Erwin's wife wasn't the only one to get misdirected.  I wonder if Microsoft
owns that North Sydney-Argentia Ferry?

Here is the trip Expedia proposed for a brother of one of my buddies.  I
left off the compass directions and mileage parts.  Do note that 14 hour
ferry ride, too!

Summary
>   From:                 Hastings, Minnesota
    To:                   Saint Charles [St. Charles], Minnesota
    Driving Distance:     6758.6 miles
    Time:                 9 day(s) 17 hour(s) 30 minute(s)

   Driving Directions
    Time           Instruction
    0:00           Depart Hastings, Minnesota
    0:03           Entering Wisconsin
    1:47           At I-94 Exit 88, turn right onto I-94
    2:41           Go onto I-90
    4:51           Entering Illinois
    6:40           Entering Indiana
    7:01           At I-80 Exit 16, bear left onto I-94
    7:29           Entering Michigan
    10:42           At I-94 Exit 204A, turn right onto SR-39
    10:46           At I-75 Exit 41, turn left onto I-75
    10:55           At I-75 Exit 47, turn right onto SR-3
    10:56           Turn right onto W Grand Blvd
    10:57           Entering Ontario
    10:57           Bear left onto S-3
    11:04           Turn left onto S-2
    11:06           Bear right onto S-3B
    11:08           Bear left onto S-401
    18:50           Entering Qu=C8bec
    18:50           Go onto C20
    19:31           Bear left onto C720
    19:37           Turn right onto S-134
    19:40           At Longueuil, turn left onto C20
    23:39           Bear right onto TC-185
    24:39           Entering New Brunswick
    24:41           Bear left onto TC-2
    28:10           Go onto S-695
    28:20           Turn left onto S-710
    28:31           Turn left onto TC-2
    28:35           Turn right onto S-112
    29:17           At Salisbury, turn left onto S-106
    29:46           Bear right onto  TC-2
    30:04           Entering Nova Scotia
    30:06           Turn right onto TC-104
    30:51           At Wentworth Centre, turn left onto S-246
    31:02           Bear right onto S-256
    31:42           Turn right onto S-6
    31:44           At Pictou, bear right onto TC-106
    31:50           Go onto TC-104
    32:03           Bear right onto S-4
    32:05           Go onto TC-104
    32:08           Go onto S-4
    32:14           Bear left onto TC-104
    32:19           Bear left onto S-4
    32:28           Bear left onto TC-104
    33:01           At Mulgrave [Port Mulgrave], go onto TC-105
    34:23           At Sydney Mines [Sidney Mines], bear left onto S-223
    34:27           At North Sydney, turn left onto Local road(s)
    34:29           Take the North Sydney-Argentia Ferry *CHECK TIMETABLE*
    48:40           Take the Local road(s)
    48:41           Entering Newfoundland
    48:44           At Freshwater, go onto S-100
    49:14           Bear right onto TC-1
    49:41           Bear right onto S-13
    49:54           At Bay Bulls, turn right onto S-10
    50:43           Turn left onto Local road(s) (SE 4543.1 miles)
    233:30           Arrive Saint Charles [St. Charles], Minnesota

Bill Seurer, Compiler Development, IBM Rochester, MN
Bill_Seurer AT us.ibm.com  Bill AT seurer.net   http://www.seurer.net/